My husband is the calm to my chaos. He said, “let it go, unarchive it, publish it, share the story, let the story find the people that can help you and the people your story will help. Let go of what’s holding you back, let go of whatever it is you think you have to hold onto. Let our story help others, let others help you heel.” Just like that all the chaos in my head was calmed and my direction was defined. My story, our journey, our love is meant to be shared. Our ups and downs as a blended family is built on friendship, love, commitment and a belief that we were destined to be the Crazy Train 8. Our path to each other is a journey of self heeling, discovery and trusting again after painful experiences. Our blended life is a beautiful, chaotic, heartfelt adventure, that unexpectedly has to deal with a life changing diagnosis. A diagnosis that rocked our world and changed everything in an instant, sort of.
On December 29, 2020 I went in for a mammogram. I had felt something in my right breast that felt like a pebble. I’d like to say it was enough of a scare that I called the doctor immediately, but the truth is without the encouragement of my husband I would have put off going out of fear. A short 45 minutes after my appointment my doctors office contacted me and advised that something of concern had been seen on my mammogram. I would need to have a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound done on my right breast. The news itself was scary, the worst part about this call was the male medical assistant giving me the information appeared to have no knowledge of the information he was giving me. I later spoke with my doctor about how horrible that call was and to have someone that clearly was unsure of the information he was delivering make that call was bad patient care. My doctor did explain that she understood the urgency that I have the next tests done and because she was out of the office at the time she instructed the medical assistant to call me. In hindsight she said it was unfair to me and would do things differently next time.
On January 5, 2021 I had a diagnostic mammogram done as well as an ultrasound. At this point I know its not good, but what am I about to endure? What road are we headed down as a family? Toby and I sat in the ultrasound room waiting to be told what the radiologists suggests I do next. Again the findings are of concern and a biopsy is needed. I was under the impression that a biopsy would be completed on the same day, if needed. Unfortunately that was not the case, the biopsy would need to be scheduled. In this moment I am numb, unsure what to think or do, but I know I want the biopsy done sooner rather than later.
Less than 24 hours later, I am back in the same procedure room, having the biopsy completed. As I lay on the table and watch the ultra sound guided biopsy I have tears running down my face. Is this really happening, am I about to hear its cancer? How did I get here, breast cancer does not run in my family? It all felt very real and at the same time it was the most unreal experience I’ve been through in my life. As I continue to watch the biopsy being performed, the conversation taking place between the doctor and the ultra sound tech is promising that we have caught this early. Honestly I have no idea what it means to catch cancer early. Cancer is a beast at any stage it is found, but there is hope. There is always hope! Then just like it was a casual diagnosis the doctor said, “it looks like we have caught your cancer early.” Everyone else had said “something of concern” but not this doctor, with out results from the biopsy she was confident we had caught my cancer early. So many thoughts racing through my mind as the nurse prepared the biopsy samples to be sent to pathology. I was told I should receive the results by Friday. Now I wait for pathology to confirm what the doctor had already stated, its cancer.
Our drive home was quiet. Morgan had gone down with me, but because of Covid, she had to wait in the car. She shared with me that her boyfriend, Cody and my oldest daughter Taylor would be at the house. As I pulled into our cul de sac I could see the chalk art work on the driveway. It felt good to have the support of my family. We had an amazing dinner of crab legs and shrimp provided by Cody. It was a perfect end to a horrendous day. Family is everything.
Less than 24 hours later the results are back from the biopsy. Cancer. Slow growing and every indication that we have caught this early. Ok, now what?
On January 8, 2021 I met my nurse navigator. For privacy sake, I will refer to my nurse navigator as Shelly. Shelly will be with me on this journey. She will answer questions, make sure appointments are made, cheer me on and be a supportive friendly face on this journey into the unknown. Remember, its ok to be scared, break down crying in a moments notice, be angry the next and grateful the next because this is a crazy journey and there is always hope. During this meeting Shelly shares my possible treatment plan/path and what it might look like. I am once again assured that it looks as though we have caught the cancer early. In talking with Shelly I agree to genetic testing. I do so for 2 reasons, my kids and my treatment plan could be affected by the results. Shelly confirms my MRI appointment for 1/11/21 and my appointment to meet my oncology team on 1/13/21. The MRI is to confirm no other tumors in the affected breast, the unaffected breast or anywhere else in the chest wall.